It is not a new realization. I have had similar thoughts many times before. But nonetheless: "Wow, how quickly can my mood & stress level change!"
Last night I was sitting here feeling completely at peace. It had been a great weekend. I had two days of no students ahead of me, so everything was feeling like by Wednesday morning I could actually be caught up and ahead on stuff. BUT fast forward 24 hours and bring me to tonight and none of those peaceful feelings still exist!
My mistake tonight was going upstairs to my work room. Honesty ever since I switched schools, not a whole lot of work gets done in there. It's become more of a storage area than a work area. When I had to clear out my old classroom (from 8 years of teaching) everything had to get carted home and my work room was where most of it got stuck. Then last year, getting hired at my new school only a couple days before the kids arrived, it mainly was only the bare necessities that got carted back to school. Trying to keep my head above water, there simply wasn't time to get it all taken back into the new building, so the work room remained part storage area. THEN: this year brought a classroom change, and versus my old classroom last year that had TONS of storage, I'm now in a classroom with practically no storage (minus one small cabinet, my desk and a filing cabinet). So all the past intentions of last year (a.k.a: "I'll get it all organized during the summer") didn't happen because there was almost no place to store stuff at school. So, long story short, my work room still has a number of crates, boxes and bins sitting all around it, and I hate the clutter!
I like being organized and having everything in order, but the change in schools just seemed to shove everything into disarray and I'm suffering from a continual feeling that there's not enough hours to get everything back in order. I have numerous boxes of papers that need sorted out. I have crates of books that I no longer need but can't find anyone who is willing to take them off my hands. I've got extra supplies which I know I'll use, but don't have room to store at school. And well, the list goes on and on.
Sometimes I tell myself that what I should do is grab all the boxes, haul them straight to the recycling center and get rid of them all, but then I start thinking about the special things that I know are mixed in with the clutter of papers, and then I know I need to find time to sort before I throw anything out, but of course, sorting takes time and time is at a premium, and AHHH!! The thought of it all makes me want to scream!
I'm still fighting to not allow school to consume my life completely, but it's nights like this when I feel like I've just let everything go for so long (e.g. focused on school so much) that I've backed myself up into a hole that is almost impossible to get out of. I need at least a good week (or more) to get everything in order, but even then it would be an uphill battle. For instance, some files are 29 miles away stored at school and then others are packed away in boxes that contain all nature of subjects/topics/units/grades/etc. here at home.
To be honest, I so wish I could spent my work day at home tomorrow. I'd know I'd work on schoolwork and probably get more of what really needs accomplished done here at home versus at school, but oh well, that option sadly doesn't exist. :( Instead, I'm thinking it's back to feeling overwhelmed again...the biggest sign to me that, yes, my "vacation" is just about over...