Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Rambling Thoughts

Ugh! Still fighting this cold germ. Could have gone into school today, but ultimately chose to take a sick day and stay home instead. Thought I might be able to make it a productive work at home day, but in actuality I did very little. I hate unproductive days, especially when I'm feeling already behind on so much!

Overall, it's been a rough month. Yes, the month has had its good points in places, but it's definitely had its not so good points in others. For one, I have felt continually behind on work. I have reading responses that should have been graded today. My online gradebook is out of date. I've got many students to still conference with on their 2nd quarter goals (even though we're already 2 weeks into the quarter!!), and the list could go and on...

My practical sensibilities are very much in conflict with my dreams right now. I love teaching, I do. I'm happy at the school I'm at. I love having the freedom to teach how I want (e.g. through reading & writing workshop) and not being restricted by my administration or forced into some required literacy program (like I know teachers at many schools are).

But I have to be honest and admit I'm getting tired of living and breathing school. I want an identity beyond "teacher". I dream of taking a couple months off and just going somewhere with no particular plan in mind. Talk about an unsensible idea though! I mean, I'm continually being reminded how lucky I am to have even found a good teaching job last year, in the midst of a time when all school systems are currently cutting majorly back. My mind knows that quitting my job to hopefully find another after a "few months off" would be a completely insane thing to do because I probably wouldn't easily find another opening.

Nonetheless, I keep feeling pulled in the direction that a change has to happen soon for my sanity. Yes, I am a teacher, but I want to be a normal person too....

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