Tonight I have been lazy.
I *should* be grading papers, or writing up student goals, or getting countless other things done that make my to do list longer than I even want to think about, but I'm not. Ever since I got home from work this afternoon, I have been lazy. I checked email, relaxed on the couch and watched part of a movie, and now am in the midst of writing.
I have a tendency to be hard on myself for taking such lazy afternoons. With my school bag loaded with things that need done, my mind has continually been shouting, "Get to work!" but my motivation just isn't listening. I try telling myself that it's a good thing, but it's so easy to slip back to the feeling that I should be using my time more productively.
It's a tough thing being a teacher. My work hours state I'm on the job from 7:45 to 2:45 each day, but of course, in actuality there is no time clock which I can punch out on. Whether it is simply my concern for "my" kids or my desire to do a good job in my work, I more than often feel like I'm punched in all the time. I have friends who aren't teachers who are often are in disbelief about the all the time my school life consumes. They say, "Don't worry about it." or "Take the day off." but without being in my shoes, my building, or any other school for that matter, they don't truly realize how difficult that is for a good teacher.
I often get jealous of my non-teaching friends' ability to easily leave work behind when they leave their work buildings, because I'm beginning to think good teachers don't ever really get that privilege. Maybe being lazy sometimes is the only way a teacher gets a break. I don't know. But one way or the other, I'm trying not to feel guilty about taking one tonight. I know my schoolbag is sitting downstairs untouched from where I dropped it when I walked in the front door, but at least it's already packed for tomorrow! ;)